Keeping Her There
by ribbonandbuttons
Summary: He had went to Somalia to avenge her death and it turned into something else completely. He ended up saving her and bringing her back. Now all he had to do was keep her there, and he did, by the only way he knew, being there himself.
1. Keeping Her There

_**Keeping her There** - He had went to Somalia to avenge her death and it turned into something else completely. He ended up saving her and bringing her back. Now all he had to do was keep her there. _

Ziva had been distant. But he knew that that was to be expected. She could hardly come home from Somalia where she was drugged and beaten and hurt and raped and be back to the normal Ziva. Tony swallowed as he thought about it for about the millionth time that night alone. He ran his hand over his face, his eyes sore from being awake but not exhausted enough to let him fall asleep with his mind working away as it did. He pushed his hand into the middle of the bed where it came into contact with smooth, hot skin and he was instantly calmed. He turned his head as well just to make sure that he wasn't imagining her presence and he was reminded that she was ok, that she had been brought home. She took a deep breath in her sleep and her face contorted into a frown and he sighed. She was having another nightmare. He turned back to the ceiling, unable to look at her anymore in pain as thoughts flooded his mind as he remembered what she was having nightmares about.

It was constantly in his head, running around and reminding him of the past month. It would pop up when he didn't expect it and it would take his breath away. It still scared him as he thought what could've happened and what would've happened. He would relive those few weeks where he thought she was gone forever and his stomach would twist. He would flashback to the few days he had spent in Somalia and the hours he had with Ziva. His heart would quicken and he would have to fight to breathe. It caught him in such unawares at times he had to escape to the bathroom to sit with his head between his knees so he didn't throw up.

It was worse when she hadn't contacted him after they had brought her home. His worry would plague him as her silence continued and he would pace around his apartment when he was at home and threw himself into his work when he was at the Navy Yard. He had been with her the whole time since they had broken free of her desert prison. He had kept his eye fully trained on her as they waited to be extracted, sat next to her on the plane home and watched as she was welcomed back by the rest of the NCIS department. Then she had went to the hospital with Abby and was checked over, and he hadn't see her since. He kept reminding himself that she was alright, that she wasn't dead anymore but in Abby's apartment across town.

Then she had dropped into NCIS and his heart started hammering in his chest when he saw her. The image of her broken and ready to give up was constantly etched in his mind and he fought to remember the better times with her. She had apologised and invaded his personal space in the men's bathroom to do so. She had kissed him and pretended that she was fine, that there was no lasting damage done from her summer away. He had left work thinking that it was going to get better.

And it sort of did. It took a while for them to get back to their routine of banter and flirting. Pushing the limits on their relationship to get back into the swing of things. She had only been back at work for a few weeks when she first came home with him. It wasn't that late when they finally finished a case so he had told her to come back to his house for a quick drink. She had sat in his living room, one drink in her hand the whole night. She had turned awkward and quiet as they chatted and Tony didn't know what to do with her. She mentioned that it was getting late but she was still hesitant about leaving and Tony didn't know what to say when she left his apartment with a face full of worry and dread. He had watched as she walked slowly to her car and sped away.

The next day at work she acted as if she hadn't been acting odd the previous night. She looked exhausted, her eyes red and bloodshot. She drank copious amounts of coffee to keep her awake and ignored the worried glances that Tony kept throwing her way. She jumped when a filing cabinet was slammed closed, or if a car honked at her when she drove them to a crime scene. She would avert her eyes if people talked to her. Stare at the floor when she wasn't the one talking. She never went to interrogation anymore, preferring instead to do fill in reports and follow paper trails. She would nervously fidget with her clothes or the stapler on her desk when no one was watching. Slowly, cracks in her mask began to show but no one really noticed, except Tony.

A few days later she arrived at his apartment again. Tony had been in bed for a few hours when the knock on the door woke him. He had gripped his gun as he made his way to the door and pulled it open a fraction. Ziva's face, red and splotchy greeted him and he took a step backwards, pulling the door open wider and nonchalantly dropping his gun quietly onto the table behind the door, his gut telling him that it would scare her.

"Are you ok?" Tony asked quietly as he shut the door behind her and slid the bolt closed. She avoided his eyes and shook her head, her forehead creasing as she frowned. She murmured something about her apartment being too empty and not wanting to be alone. She allowed Tony to pull her into a hug and lead her down the hall towards the bedroom.

And that had been that. Silently she slipped into his bed and curled into a ball under the sheets, staring wide eyed at him as he crawled in beside her. She had stared into his eyes for a long time, and Tony had stared back, trying to convey that she was safe. Then she had closed her eyes and finally fell asleep.

Now, weeks later she was in the same place, curled into a tight ball in the middle of the bed, her body close to Tony's. Tony stared at the ceiling as the mattress shook with her shudders and jolts. Her nightmares were a common occurrence and he could nothing but wait for her to wake up. There was a gasping breath from beside him in the bed and Tony turned his head to look at her. Her eyes were wide open, glassy from unshed tears. She took another heaving breath as she looked around and realised where she was before her face crumpled. Her bloodshot eyes focused on his and silently she crept toward him. He shifted in the sheets and pulled her closer, placing a kiss on her hair as she draped her arm over his chest and buried her face in his neck. She gave out a brief sob, tightening her hold on him. They stayed silent, like they did most nights until she fell asleep again against him, his arms wrapped securely around her. Tony sighed and stared at the ceiling as the thoughts resurfaced in his head, keeping him awake most of the night.


	2. Morning Glory

_So, there was a lot of response to the first chapter and even though it was only supposed to be a oneshot I decided to write this too. I'm not sure if there's going to be any chapters after this, I'll see where the wind takes me. Anyway, enjoy, excuse the excessive comma action (I love them too much) and review :) Thanks everyone for the support and feedback, it's much appreciated. S x_

**Morning Glory**

Soft rays of sunlight slipped past the curtains and into Tony's bedroom. Ziva sighed and blinked, trying to get her tired eyes to adjust to the unwelcome light. She lay still and listened to Tony's hearbeat that was loud to her as she lay across his chest. Her cheek was pressed against his bare skin and his arms were still wrapped securely around her. With a small sigh she untangled herself from Tony's legs and arms and slid back to the other side of the bed. He murmured something softly under his breath and rolled over onto to his side so he was facing her. His arm lay across the mattress as if reaching for her but he was still firmly asleep.

It broke Ziva's heart that she was putting him through hell as well as living in her own nightmare too. She knew that he had been affected from their trip to Somalia and even though she slept better in his bed, she was aware that he wasn't really benefiting from the arrangement in the same way she was. Instead of calming him down it seemed to be making things worse. She felt ashamed that she was using him slightly, making him protect her as she succumbed to the terror she had experienced. She supposed she was being selfish but having him there for her, knowing that everything could turn out all right was too much to let go of. Blinking and letting her eyes refocus, she slipped out from under the covers and walked slowly over to the adjoining bathroom. She didn't want to wake him unnecessarily when he was so soundly asleep, letting him get a few extra treasured moments unconscious.

She turned on the shower and pulled off her pyjamas, her head still clouded with the nightmares that she could remember and the still warm feeling that swept across her skin and body when she thought of Tony. His touch still lingering on her skin as she stood under the spray of water. They had changed over the past few weeks, their unspoken agreement not to mention her sleepovers to anyone at work. Both of them putting their attraction and history aside for a moment until they were ready to deal with it. Until they were healed. Until they were healthy.

Ziva pulled a towel around her and started to brush her teeth. The mirror was fogged up but she could still see her depressed expression, her skin pale from the constant feeling of unease, each eye rimmed with a dark circle as the weeks of disrupted sleep finally caught up with her. She spat the toothpaste into the sink and dropped her toothbrush into the holder along with Tony's. It amused to her think that she had sort of moved in with Tony as he helped her. Most days she just went straight home with him after work, she hadn't been in her apartment for nearly a week. The thought still scared her. Even though she hated herself for disliking an apartment merely because it was empty, it highlighted that she had became weak. Scared of the dark and the shadows and most importantly the thoughts that came with it.

She walked into Tony's bedroom and quickly hunted in the closet space he had set aside for her. Hanging beside his pristine designer suits were her clothes for work. Her running gear lay on the shelf below it, beside his shiny shoes. She had a drawer in his dresser and make up cluttered his bench. Behind her Tony was still fast asleep but she still threw glances over her shoulder to make sure he hadn't woken up and caught sight of her. She felt the least nervous around Tony of all people but she still didn't want him to see the scars that riddled her skin. At night she would somehow work it that she got changed in the bathroom after a shower or as he was making tea in the kitchen. In the morning she would wake before him and always be near ready before he opened his eyes.

She pulled on her clothes quickly and then pulled a brush through her hair before she leant over Tony, who was now sprawled on his stomach, the sheets pooled around his waist.

"Tony." She urged him awake and shook his shoulder slightly, ignoring the shiver that exploded through her skin as her fingertips touched him.

"Mmmhhmm." Tony mumbled into his pillow. "What time is it?"

"Just after seven." She told him and stood back as he rolled onto his back, tangling himself in the sheets.

"Ok." He sighed throwing an arm over his face. She pulled her hair into a ponytail, watching as he fully woke up. "Morning."

Ziva set her brush beside her mascara on the dresser and with a small sigh she plastered her fake smile onto her face. Set her mask into place before she turned to smile at him. She saw it in his eyes as he met her gaze, how he saw through the whole charade but didn't say anything. Not yet. Finally she opened her mouth, clearing her throat to sound cheerful. "Morning."


	3. Office Space

_Hey, this is mega short. Thank you all so much for the feedback on the last chapter. I hope you enjoy, and review :)_

**Office Space**

It was harder at work. Tony had to pretend that Ziva hadn't just left his apartment a few minutes before he had. Pretend that they hadn't spent the night before entwined in bed. Pretend that she hadn't woken up screaming at dawn or that she had sobbed into his neck until she remembered that it was just a dream.

He had to try not to touch her like he would've if they were at home. He desperately tried not to stare at her across the bullpen, or hide his concern if she snapped at someone or if she dodged a question from a co worker about how she was coping. He had to not react when she came back from a gruelling interrogation or a gnarly crime scene. He had to ignore her vacant looks as she wandered off into her head in a daydream or if her hand shook when she typed or handed him a file.

But he failed at all of this.

He did stare at her unabashedly at work. He touched her arm to try and convey his feelings, to reassure her. He touched the small of her back, leading her this way or that way. He protected her unconsciously and didn't even realise it. He talked to her quietly knowing no one else would hear. He let her drive and didn't complain about it. He tried not to hurt her feelings or push her too far in their banter. Meanwhile putting on a grand show of making fun of her and flirting with the girl who delivered the mail. He felt fake as he charmed his co workers into thinking that they had snapped back to how it was before.

But it was starting to show. Tony caught the steely glare he sometimes got from Gibbs. The bewildered one from McGee and Abby's knowing glances if he stood too close to Ziva in the lab.

Half of him was worried they would be caught. That Gibbs would invoke Rule Twelve even though nothing was going on between them. He knew that they wouldn't understand at first, that their relationship would be misconstrued and assumptions would be made. Tony knew that this would probably be worse for them overall. That Ziva would freak out at how they far they had come and revert back to the way it was before. Back to square one. And he definitely didn't want that.

Half of him didn't care. If it would help her, he would do it. He would run his hand over her shoulder to let her know that he was there. He would stand in front of her if a male suspect got too close. He would do whatever it took to make her feel safe again. Gibbs, Vance and protocol be damned.


	4. Shattering Glass

_Hey, sorry this one took so long, I'm just back from holiday and have finally caught up on my sleep. I hope you like this one, and that you review. They are greatly appreciated. Much love. _

**Shattering Glass**

Ziva breathed deeply. She took a moment, knowing that Tony would wait for her. Gasping in another deep breath she let her eyes flick up and see him again. He was standing in front of her, breathing deeply also. His face was pink and flushed, she could see a thin line of sweat on his brow and neck, his hair was sticking at odd angles from his fingers pushing through it roughly. He jumped on the balls of his feet.

Ziva swung out. His arm came up to defend himself but at the same time allow her to strike him. She let out a low growl and used her right hand to slam into him again. She let her rage bubble through her and allowed it to finally take over. This time she used her foot to kick him roughly. He hadn't seen it coming and a flutter of pleasure rippled through her as he doubled over slightly and breathed deeply before standing up again. His face was redder than it had been before, but his eyes showed a fierce determination to take it. He bounced on his feet again and gave her a small smile that somehow conveyed a joking cocky bravado as well as a reassuring glance to make sure that she knew he was comfortable with what she was doing.

He had suggested that afternoon after lunch. Quietly as they walked back from a coffee run, hands full of styrofoam cups.

"You haven't been running lately." He said, hints of what he was really implying just edging through on his tone. She rose her eyebrows at him. It was true, she hadn't been running like she usually did. Mainly because she went either in the early morning or late at night. But now that she was back she felt uncomfortable running in the twilight as the sun rose or set. It was quiet and unsettling. She shrugged her shoulders to emphasise her supposed indifference. Tony frowned slightly and she knew that she had been busted. He saw her grip tightened on the coffee in her hands and her eyes narrow.

"I can go running with you if you want." He offered and she shook her head immediately. The whole idea already making her stomach tighten at the prospect. Even with the security of him there the winter season weather would still make her uncomfortable. Tony sighed and they entered the NCIS building with his face set as he was deep in thought. They stepped into the elevator in silence and she punched the button for their floor.

"Well." Tony finally spoke, an idea making his eyes light up. "What about if you go to the gym?"

"The gym?" Ziva asked as the elevator kicked into life. "A treadmill isn't really the same."

"I know that." Tony smiled at her. "But you could go work out. Punch something, I know you've been wanting to punch something all day."

"No." Ziva attempted to joke. "I've been wanting to punch you all day."

But Tony didn't laugh. He stared at her as the doors to the elevator opened and Ziva stepped out, her eyes still trained on his face. She couldn't quite work out what he was thinking behind his suddenly guarded eyes. She glanced towards the bullpen and her grip tightened on the coffee in her hand again. She looked back to Tony just as he spoke.

"Then punch me." He told her, the volume of his voice dropping as they walked past a group of people and towards Gibbs, who looked like he needed his coffee fix. Tony's face was set in a serious expression and Ziva nearly stopped walking to make sure she had heard him right.

"What?" Ziva asked, disbelief and confusion colouring her voice. "Tony."

"I mean it." He told her and he slowed so they could finish their conversation before reaching their desks. "We'll go to the gym whenever you want and we can work out."

She stared at him as he quickened and walked over to Gibbs, handing him a coffee and asking for details on the case they were working.

And that was how she had found themselves in the empty gym at half ten on a Thursday evening. Tony dodged her second kick and reached out to grab her shoulders. He stilled her and still gasping for breath he stared at her.

"Ziva." He panted. "The only way this is gonna work is if you let it all out. Before, you would have no problem pinning me in a few minutes."

He didn't need to elaborate on when _before_ was. Ziva gave him a terse nod and he stepped back, ready to react when she lashed out again. She knew that she had been holding back, somewhere inside of her she couldn't find it to hurt Tony. Not after everything that had happened between them lately and how much he had helped her. She also didn't know if the strangely intimate action of having him under her would push her too far. She closed her eyes and let it take over.

The smell was first, she used her own sweat to spark the memories. She could remember the smell of sweat, her own and those who kept her. The air was warm and stagnant. No breeze rolled past her and she was eternally hot. Her skin prickled and she would feel claustrophobic with the lack of fresh air. Her chest felt heavy and she couldn't quite catch her breath sometimes. Her skin rubbed uncomfortably against everything, the clothes she had been wearing for weeks, the rope her hands were sometimes tied in, the sack that was roughly put over her hair whenever they moved her. The concrete she lay on and walls she propped herself up on were rough but blissfully cool. Her hair was sticky and greasy, it sat at the base of her neck and scratched against her skin. She could remember hands on her, ripping her clothes and skin, holding her too tightly and hurting her. The dribble of blood as they beat her and the scent of rancid breath as they kissed her.

Hands touched her in the real world and she reacted. She grabbed the wrist and twisted, letting her anger out on the skin she was holding. Her eyes still closed, her mind still stuck in Somalia where this sort of retaliation was impossible while she was being held captive. Her left leg came up and gave a soundly kick against his hip. Her right working it's way behind his ankle. He crumpled to his knees but was still upright so she let the side of her hand slap at his head while her other hand gripped his shoulder tightly. She used her whole body to flatten him against the mat and she blinked. Tony was below her, gasping for breath but undeterred.

"Fight back." She pushed through her gritted teeth and he instantly complied. He rolled her over, his arm across her chest and his hand grabbing at her wrist. He used his hip to keep her flat and a growl ripped through her throat, he felt it begin in her chest before he heard it. Her knee reached up and found a place just below his waist. They rolled over again and she was suddenly on top. Suddenly she was on her feet and Tony took his chance. He swung his leg and caught her shins. She fell back with a cry and lay back against the mat, breathing hard and staring at the ceiling. Tony lay silently on his side beside her. He watched as she made no attempt to move, her wide eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Tony slowly got to his feet and walked over to her. He reached his hand out, offering it to her to take. She looked up at him, the fierce expression on her face gone. Instead replaced with a confused one, sadness in her eyes.

"Are you ok?" He asked her as she was brought to her feet. She nodded and stepped backward unsteadily. He watched, calmly and patiently as she took a shaky breath.

"I am sorry." She finally spoke, her voice breaking slightly. "I did not mean to -"

"That was the point Zi." Tony told her, cutting her off. He took a step forward and placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. "It was to let you let it all out."

Ziva looked at him, trying to meet his eyes. They were both still breathing hard but Tony brought her into a quick hug. Her hands pulled his damp t-shirt into her fists and she let her forehead rest against his shoulder with a sigh.

"Thank you." She whispered, unaware if he heard her or not.

Tony squeesed her in response and over her shoulder he caught sight of a lone figure standing in the shadows by the door. He didn't need to squint to know that it was Gibbs. He pushed all thoughts of his boss out of his head and focused back on Ziva who had pulled away slightly.

"Do you want to do it again or go home and sleep?" Tony asked her. Ziva smiled at him and reached up, swiping a dribble of blood away from the thin cut on his cheek bone.

"Let's go sleep." She sighed, feeling much better than she had all week.


	5. Trigger

**Trigger**

He didn't know what had set her off. And he didn't care in this moment in time. Things like that were always discovered later, when he had free time to mull it over or she would whisper it to him in bed a few nights later if she even remembered. It didn't matter what had set her off, just the fact that something had was enough to make his heart thump and his stomach twist.

He had recieved a text early one morning. It was so early in fact that many agents in the other teams were not even in the building. The lights were still dim and the floor was quiet. McGee was typing furiously on his keyboard to finish a report before Gibbs got back from the first coffee run of the day. Ziva had disappeared to talk to Abby who was getting a head start on some evidence they had discovered during the night to do with a case. And Tony, Tony had been playing tetris on his phone, his feet reclined on his table top, his eyes drooping with every yawn he took. It wasn't even light out yet and they were all back at work. He was happy though, Ziva hadn't had a nightmare last night and they had slept right through until 4am when they were rudely awakened by McGee mumbling down the phone about some trash can they had found in a hotel room downtown that was linked to their dead Petty Officer. He let a little bit of hope slide into his heart that she might finally be getting better.

His phone buzzed and Tony was shaken awake. Expecting Gibbs and some order that didn't really need to be carried out before 8am he lazily scrolled through his phone to get to his new message. He opened it, eyebrows raising as it was from Abby.

"Abby just texted, she must've got a break in the - " Tony trailed off as he finally read the message. One word. _Ziva_. Tony scrambled to his feet, tripping over his backpack and getting caught in his swivel chair. His lamp tottered on the edge of the table as he took off towards the elevator. He bounced on his feet as he punched the button but he impatiently spun around and sprinted down the stairs. All the time ignoring McGee who had jumped up in alarm at his response and threw question after question at his back. _Is it Abby? Is she in trouble? The case? Did she break it? Tony? Tony? _Tim glared at the doors where Tony had just disappeared into and he grabbed his gun, strapping it to his hip he ran after the senior agent.

The lab was devoid of Abby's music and it churned Tony's stomach to know that she had shut it off. He pushed open the door and ran in.

"Abby?" He cried desperately into the nearly silent room. He could hear sobbing and harsh breathing. "Ziva?" He looked around and Abby popped up from behind a machine. She was paler than usual and her wide eyes pleaded at him.

"Tony." She moaned desperately. "I don't know what happened. We were just chatting and then she kind of zoned out and then she like looked faint and then she like staggered back like a zombie and she went all pale and then a few seconds later she was on the floor. Crawling, Tony! Crawling away from me, retching and I don't know what to do. I tried to hug her but that made her worse. She went all stiff and wouldn't answer me. It was as if she didn't know who I was! Tony what should I do. Should I get Gibbs?"

Tony shook his head and ignored the rest of Abby's ramblings and walked around the machine so he was standing beside her. He knelt down beside Ziva as she tried to borrow into the corner of the room with her shoulder. Her eyes were looking wildly around her, like she wasn't even in the room with them. She took a breath through her nose and grimaced, a sore sounding retch ripping through her throat. Tony lurched forward, grabbing an evidence box and set it beside her but Ziva ignored it. She scrunched up her face and raked a hand through her hair. Behind him he was dimly aware of McGee running in and Abby start up her long winded explanation for what had happened. Tony crept forward carefully and whispered her name.

Her eyes focused but she never stopped murmuring in Hebrew under her breath. He caught a few words that he knew, like father and hurt and dust and pain. Tony winced as she turned her murmurs into a soft chant of _no_ under her breath.

"Ziva." Tony whispered and stopped just beside her. She squirmed again and her nails clawed at the tiled floor and the wall at her side. She was taking long shallow breaths that came thundering out of her mouth in loud pants. Tony took a bracing breath and reached out a hand. He didn't quite touch her, it just hovered between them. Her eyes flicked to it before they unfocussed and then darted wildly around the room.

"Ziva." He repeated a little louder. "It's Tony."

At his name her eyes flickered and her murmuring stopped. She blinked and her eyes shot over in his direction for a long moment. Abby gave a gasp behind them but Tony never let his eyes drop from hers. Slowly, her eyes found his and stayed there. They stayed silent and stared at each other for moment before her mouth opened and she murmured something in Hebrew again. Tony inwardly sighed and reached forward, his fingertips grazed her shirt covered arm and she flinched violently. Her shoulder banged into a table behind her and she gave out a little yelp, her breathing got quicker and shallower as she pulled her knees closer to her chest and tried to roll into a ball.

"Tony." Abby cried worriedly and McGee hurriedly shushed her.

"Ziva." Tony spoke quickly and loudly at her again and her shoulder jumped at the sound of her name. Tony gently pushed her head between her knees and manoeuvred her so it would be easier to breathe. Slowly he slid beside her, against the wall. He looked up and was met with the tear streaked face of Abby and the stricken one of Tim. He tried to give them a small reassuring smile as Ziva slowly calmed down beside him. She unwound her arms from her legs and slowly let herself fall into his chest, silent tears running down her cheeks.

"I won't mention this to Gibbs." Abby promised as she slid onto the floor a few feet away from Ziva, her eyes solemn and fixed on her best friend. Tony's grateful smile faltered as he caught sight of the trigger, the half empty cup of Caf-Pow that was lying sideways across the floor at the other side of the room, the red liquid slowly seeping out of it.


	6. Safety Blanket

_Thank you all so much for your feedback, it was great :) _

_Warning: Mentions of rape and violence._

**Safety Blanket**

Ziva had started to see a therapist and would come home shaken from going over her ordeal with a stranger. Tony would drive out to her apartment and meet her there after her appointments. He had insisted that they stay some nights at her apartment so Ziva could get used to the new bed and surroundings, in the hopes that she would be able to gradually go back to living on her own.

She was sitting on the porch when he arrived, staring at the moon and Tony took this to be a good sign. He climbed out of his car and walked over to her.

"How'd it go?" Tony asked her and she shrugged. She looked paler than usual and with a deep sigh she finally looked up at him. There was something different about her tonight. She didn't look as drained as usual, instead it had been replaced with some other emotion. He rose an eyebrow at her. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." She sighed nervously and he frowned. He didn't know why she was nervous. He reached out and with a hand shaking she accepted his help up. They kept their hands linked as they walked up the single flight of stairs to her apartment and she unlocked the door. He walked in and kicked off his shoes, listening to her ritual of locking her door and doing all the bolts that lined the edge of the door. He had screwed two more on just the other day. She shivered when she caught him looking at her and edged her way past him and into the living room. The lights were all on and she sat down in the middle of the couch, pulling a blanket around her shoulders.

"Do you want a beer?" She asked suddenly and got to her feet, taking the blanket with her.

"Zi." Tony sighed and followed her into the kitchen. She pulled out a beer and pulled off the cap. She took a long drink out of it before passing it to him. "Ziva what is it?"

"At therapy today." She blurted out. "She told me that I should tell you about what had happened when we were over there. She thinks it will really help to tell someone I know." She paused and finally met his gaze. "And trust."

Tony swallowed slowly and she grabbed the beer out of his hand again. She took another long drink until half the bottle was empty. He stared at her nervous face until he finally spoke.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." He assured her. "Only if you feel you're ready."

"But I want to get better." She half moaned, desperation colouring her tone. "If this will help, I want to do it."

They stayed silent. Tony nodded to her and she sighed.

"I think I do anyway." She sighed, hesitation now overtaking the nervousness. She growled softly to herself and left the kitchen. Tony placed the half empty bottle of beer onto the bench and followed her as she turned off the lights in the living room and walked to the bedroom. Tony followed the normal routine of allowing her change in the dark, a final attempt at stopping him seeing the scars that he already knew covered her body. She silently slid into the bed and thumped the pillow, Tony then flipped on the light in her room. He gazed over at her, she was curled in a ball, her eyes staring at his pillow as he pulled off his clothes. He threw his shirt in her hamper before flipping off the light and crawling in beside her.

They stayed silent for a long time and Tony assumed that Ziva had fallen asleep until he felt her shift across the bed. He moved his arm automatically and let her snuggle into his chest, her arm wrapping around his stomach and hugging him tight. She stayed silent for another long moment.

"The first time." She murmured against his skin quietly. "Was at night. I could tell because it wasn't as hot. It was darker in my cell but then it was always dark. It was just him at first. He came in, reeking of Caf-Pow. But it took me a few weeks to remember what he smelt of and then after then I had to push all thoughts of Abby out of my head so I didn't equate them together." She shuddered and Tony pulled her closer to him.

"I tried to fight him off." She choked. "But I was weak, they had beaten me and branded me. Cut into me and hurt me." Tony felt her fingers grip his and pull his hand to her stomach where she ran his fingers over a ridge that he assumed was a scar.

"I was drained and hadn't eaten in days. They gave me a dribble of water every morning but normally I had to throw it up again because of the drugs they injected into me. Half the time I didn't know what was going on, where I was or who I was. Those were the good days. Later, they stopped the drugs and realised that it was much better when I could feel what they were doing to me. Apparently," Her tone turned sarcastic. "It's not fun when you just lie there, half unconscious below him."

Tony felt his stomach roll but tried to stay still. Her voice turned soft again, scared.

"He said that I belonged to him." She muttered. "And if I belonged to him, he could do what he wanted with me."

She trailed off and he felt a tear slide onto to his chest. He finally looked down and saw the whites of her eyes reflected in the moonlight. She let out a shuddering breath and he kissed her forehead. Her eyes flicked up and looked at him, her eyes filled with fear at the memory she was reliving.

"After the first time, they came again." She told him. Her eyes staring into his. Tony's insides turned cold. "More of them. All of them. They started to demand answers as they stripped me. Beat me while they forced into me." Her hand moved his as she spoke and ran his fingers over more slightly colder parts of skin that Tony knew were scars. "Sliced at me when they came."

Tony broke her stare first and struggled to untangle himself from her. He barely made to the bathroom before he threw up. Images swam in his head and anger pulsed in his veins. He saw a knife dig into her and he retched again. He could see her soft skin being sliced by a blade, screams of pain and pleasure rang out in his ears. Fists coming in contact with her face and body. Salim's face contorted in pleasure made him grip the toilet bowl to steady himself. He emptied his stomach again and wished he could erase his mind. Back in the bedroom he could hear her cry, quiet sobs that drifted through the silent apartment to him. His stomach turned again but he didn't throw up. He pulled his toothbrush round his mouth and washed his face before he made his way back quietly into her bedroom.

She sat on his side of the bed, the blankets wrapped around her. Wide eyes stared at him and he didn't know what to make of them. Sad, relieved or scared. He wasn't quite sure. He reached for her and pulled her into a tight hug. He rolled over so they were lying across the bed and he pulled at her so she was lying across him, cocooning him.

"I am very sorry." Tony told her honestly. His voice was hoarse and broken. "For everything. For not getting there sooner, for not stopping him, for not killing him myself."

She nodded into his chest but stayed silent.

"I won't let anything happen to you ever." He whispered to her. "I'll keep you safe. Do you understand?"

"Yes." Ziva murmured, no emotion colouring her tone anymore. Tony stared down at her while she closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep. When her breathing evened out and he was sure she was asleep he let the tears slide silently down the sides of his face.


	7. You Only Live Once

_Hey guys. Sorry for the wait, my computer crashed just as I had finished this chapter and I had to rewrite it. So this is a little Ziva & Gibbs time. Thanks everyone for the support, enjoy the read!_

**You Only Live Once**

He had been expecting it. Deep down he knew it was coming, but that didn't necessarily mean that he was prepared for it. It was raining outside and her hair was wet. She was wearing a pair of shorts and an old faded t-shirt with the NCIS insignia that he didn't quite believe belonged to her. Images of Kate wearing it flashed in his mind and he wondered idly where she had gotten it from. Ziva pushed a soaked curl behind her ear as he answered the door and silently walked past him. She didn't even pause to go into the living room, just going straight to the stairs for the basement.

After he had closed the door behind her and followed her down the stairs he found her standing, leaning against the bench. He reached for the bottle of bourbon and she shook her head as he motioned to her, offering some.

"Did you run here?" Gibbs finally asked her and her lips quirked. Gibbs wondered what it meant for a moment before she finally answered.

"Yeah." She smiled properly this time, laughing at herself, an inside joke. His stomach flipped at the action.

"From your apartment?" He asked, pouring the liquid into the mug that sat on the bench beside her. He missed her darting eyes and the quick flash of guilt in them but he heard her hesitation in the long pause that lay between them. He smiled in spite of himself and looked across at her.

"From DiNozzo's?" His smile made the comment softer than it should've sounded but Gibbs didn't really have the heart to stop them any more. He could see the change in Ziva, however subtle it was, however masked she tried to make it. His mind had jumped to conclusions weeks ago and he had had the time mull it over as he sanded pieces of wood into sawdust. "It is closer I suppose."

Ziva stared at him for a moment. Her eyes narrowed as she unabashedly tried to work out what was going on. His smile grew, the bourbon hitting the spot and highlighting his good heartedness.

"Yes." She admitted. A slight nervous tone coloured her words. She opened her mouth to speak again but no words continued out of her mouth. Even though he had expected this answer and had suspected that they had been together all this time, it still hit him in the stomach. He had been right. They had disobeyed one of his rules. A tinge of victory that he had been right mingled with despair in his gut. This could lead to disaster.

"But -" Ziva finally spoke again, turning her whole body towards him so she faced him properly. "No rules are being broken." There was a flash of regret that crossed her face but she quickly schooled her features to watch his reaction.

"Oh." Gibbs spoke, shock rolling off his tongue due to the alcohol he had consumed already tonight. His stomach dropped, he had been so sure.

Ziva smiled and shook her head. "For a long time." She paused and took a deep breath. "I did not feel comfortable on my own. It was small things, like not being able to sleep properly or go running in the dark."

She smiled in spite of herself, proud of herself in the fact that she had obviously gotten over that obstacle as she ran the whole way here. He now knew the reason for her smiley self when he had asked how she had gotten to his house.

"But, Tony helped me. Made me feel a little more me again." Her tone softened and she looked up at him. "But nothing has happened between us."

Her face was straight this time and Gibbs didn't know how she felt about this fact. Ziva frowned and took a tiny step forward, as if she hadn't realised she had done it and her tone became accusatory.

"You suspected something different?"

Gibbs shrugged. He truly had suspected that they had gotten together. He had noticed that their banter was no longer forced and that they revelled in it. He noticed that they seemed to unconsciously understand each others movements and body language, they knew when to stop pushing or when to push harder. He noticed how Tony would bring her things, like coffee and lunch without her asking and all she had to do was smile in thanks. He noticed the unspoken conversations they had when they both thought he wasn't looking. But his suspicions were cemented when he had caught them sparring one night in the gym. He had found both of their cars still in the parking lot but neither of them were in the bullpen. When he finally found them in the deserted gym, he was rooted to the spot. He saw the raw aggression in Ziva as she punched Tony and the determination to fight back in him. His first instinct was to stop them, in case they got hurt but he couldn't move. He watched as they spoke to each other, encouraged each other and he finally realised that this was consensual. That this was some sort of whacked out way to help her. After that night, Gibbs saw tension ease between them and his stomach churned in the finality of his decision that they had become a couple.

"Gibbs." Ziva spoke, snapping him out of his thoughts. His gaze drifted to her.

"Yeah." He answered her honestly. Rain drops dripped from her ponytail and her soaked clothes, goosebumps erupted on her flesh from the cool basement, her eyes bright with something unknown to him. But she looked happy and Gibbs felt a reassuring smile slot into place on his face. Whatever her and Tony had going on, the will they won't they, the inevitable relationship that would sometime begin between them and break his precious rule twelve. He realised that it didn't matter anymore. They were long past the stage that he feared, and had hence made the rule to protect his team. They wouldn't hurt each other again, not if they could help it. "I guess I would be ok if something did."


	8. Awake My Soul

_Thank you all so much for the feedback :) This may or may not be the final chapter. I'll have to see what rattles around my head because at the minute all that's in there is love for Inception and a plot line for a Tony/Abby number!_

**Awake My Soul**

The energy around her nearly overwhelmed her. It bounced with the beat of the music. It pulsed in the air she breathed. It shimmied in the bodies that danced around her. It flickered like the blinding lights.

Ziva let herself go. Finally she let herself relax in the moment. Abby had dragged them all out after a case and Ziva, instead of saying no as she usually did so had for once agreed to go with her. Abby had recruited McGee and Tony with relative ease and had led them to a new club that had just opened in the downtown area. Abby had somehow sweet talked the tall muscled bouncers at the door and had got them in without queueing in the line that snaked its way around the block.

The lights in the club went out, the music dipped and Ziva knew that the DJ was working up to something as the beat began to rise. Ziva closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. In the air she could smell sweat and the heat, perfume and smoke, alcohol and air conditioning. She could hear her own deep breathing, mixed with the pants of those around her. Ziva felt hands grip her waist gently and she threw her head back until it was resting on his shoulder. She knew those hands and she felt comfort in the fact that her stomach didn't drop or her chest didn't spasm at the contact. The music rose around them and Ziva felt electricity explode around her. A disco light shone pink and blue and yellow and green somewhere in the rafters above her, throwing the club into sharp relief. Around her, dancers began to dance again but Ziva paid no attention to them. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Abby and McGee dancing closely with each other and Ziva felt a smile settle on her face as she thought of her friends and how easily they fell back into couple mode every so often when they needed each other.

The hands on her waist tightened slightly and Ziva spun around to come face to face to their owner. Tony eyes were trained on her face, his mouth twisted into a soft smile. Ziva felt her smile turn wider at his gaze. She could see fire in his eyes and it made her stomach twist and flutter. It had been a while since she had seen him look at her like that. Previously she had only seen honest and innocent concern for her. Her already fast heart thudded in her chest as his hands skimmed up her waist and held her slightly higher, just below her ribs. She moved her hips in time with the music and grinned as Tony's face contorted at her actions. One of his hands slid down her waist to rest on her hip, pulling her closer with his other hand.

Ziva assumed that the amount of alcohol they had consumed was what had finally made them go for it. She chalked up the music and the way they had danced for nearly an hour together in the middle of a crowd of people who were all writhing around each other in time to the music. She also added in the fact that she had been sleeping in his bed for the past four months and he had been nice enough to not try any moves. And of course her late night conversation with Gibbs the week before had sort of given her the green light on all things romantic between she and Tony. But the most obvious factor was that for the first time in a long time she felt good. She felt free of those things that had occupied her mind all day and the nightmares that plagued her at night. She could breathe easily now and was not scared of shadows or bangs or strangers hands on her shoulders any more.

But none of that really mattered because his lips were on hers and she was ok with it. A hand reached up and swept away her curls from her face and tangled in her hair, while hers grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him closer. They stopped listening to the music and paid no attention to those around them as they focused solely on each other. They ignored the excited squeal from Abby when she discovered them and didn't even notice the clap on the back that McGee gave them before they disappeared away off to find a dark corner of the bar for themselves.

Ziva broke away and looked up at Tony who was looking at her carefully. Concern mingled with the passion in his eyes for just a second, worried that he had pushed her too far or she wasn't ready for that step yet in their odd relationship that seemed perfectly right for the pair of them.

"Are you alright?" He asked her, his neck bent to be at her level, his lips brushing against her ear so she could hear him over the music that thumped around them. His voice was husky and deep. Ziva shivered and he tightened his hold on her slightly.

She nodded and caught her breath.

"I am now." She finally responded before placing her hands on either side of his face and pulling back for another kiss. And for once she wasn't lying when she said it.


	9. Dog Days

_So this might be a little different from the other chapters, a bit more dialogue-y but I thought I'd post it anyway, sorry it took so long to update. I hope you enjoy a little bit of McGee in this one. _

**Dog Days**

"McGee." Tony muttered and pulled his partner into the elevator. He kept his voice down in case Gibbs or Ziva heard them. They stood and waited for the doors to close before Tony flipped the switch that Gibbs regularly used. The elevator shuddered to a stop.

"What is it Tony?" McGee asked. Tony glanced at him and Tim could see the pain in his eyes.

"I need your help." Tony admitted. "Ziva hasn't spent a night at home on her own in a while, and she still gets freaked and doesn't sleep well."

"Right." McGee nodded, his tone softening at the thought of his friend scared in her own home.

"And I'm worried to leave her for a few days to go to this stupid conference at the weekend. Especially at the weekend when she won't be at work." Tony told him. Tim was a little shocked to see the raw concern and worry in his face. "So I need your help."

**oooo**

Tim knocked on the door gently. Loud enough for the occupant to answer but not loud enough for it to startle her. It didn't surprise him that Tony was the one that answered the door. He gave him a warm smile. McGee saw elements of relief in his eyes as he let McGee and his furry friend into the apartment.

"McGee." Tony said loudly, presumably for Ziva's benefit. Tony wandered into the apartment and called into the kitchen. "Ziva, McGee is here."

Ziva walked into the room with a smile on her face but both men recognised it as a little forced. She glanced at Tony before turning her attention to Tim.

"Yes McGee?" Ziva asked and looked him up and down, a curious expression appearing on her face. "Hello Jethro."

The dog at McGee's side barked happily up at her. Ziva glanced at Tim who she now recognised was wearing a nervous expression.

"McGee?" Ziva asked him after Tim didn't speak for a moment. Tim pulled his attention away from Tony who was giving him encouraging looks before he slipped into the kitchen. Tim could see his shadow that told him he was at the otherside of the door, listening to their exchange.

"Yes." McGee smiled trying to sound confident and nonchalant. And not the rehearsed play that it was. "Well, I was out walking Jethro and I thought I'd drop by, um to ask a favour. I was wondering if you could look after Jethro at the weekend."

Ziva stared at him. Tim could see the hesitation run over her face before it slipped back to neutral. "Why?"

"I have to go away, you know that conference Vance is sending me and Tony away on..." Tim trailed off as Ziva's eyes widened and Tony appeared in the doorway with a glare on his face. When he was doing this with Tony it was much easier to come up with a plausable excuse.

"What conference?" Ziva asked, confusion falling on her features. Tim mentally kicked himself, which he was sure that Tony would do physically to him later. He sure hoped he wasn't sharing a room at the weekend with him.

"Oh yeah that thing." Tony lied as he re-entered the room, a glass in his hand. "I nearly forgot about that. Two days in a crappy hotel playing inter agency ice breakers and sitting through boring seminars on how to shoot straight. I personally think Vance is punishing us McBlabber. I mean, what sort of agent doesn't know how to shoot straight, those FBI guys are sure slipping in standards and then after lunch it'd be some rubbish about cleaning your guns right and the correct way to tackle a guy who shouldn't even be - "

Tim cut in before Tony rambled his way to an early grave. "Anyway. I was wondering if you could look after him. It'd only be for the night and he isn't much trouble."

Ziva looked down at the dog and sighed.

"Wouldn't Abby want him?" She asked and scratched Jethro's ears.

"Bowling with the nuns." Tony barked at the same time as Tim blurted.

"Date with a funeral director."

Tony and Tim glared at each other while Ziva looked between them, a frown on her face.

"She's busy." Tony clarified and took a long draw of the water in his hand.

"Yeah." Tim agreed lamely. "Busy."

"I'm sure that would be fine McGee." Ziva sighed and looked down at the dog with a perplexed face.

**oooooo**

Wind howled and rain battered her window. Her eyes were protesting at still being open but she couldn't fall asleep. It was dark and without Tony's reassuring presence she jumped at every creak and snap of a twig outside. Any movement of pipes, footsteps from the apartment above or a groan of the heating made her shudder, and on alert once again. A creak of the door made her sit up and stare around the dark room but she lay back down as she heard the dog pad over to her. She patted the bed and Jethro jumped up before settling beside her. Ziva rolled over and pushed her hand into the fur of the dog that was sharing her bed. The warmth calmed her down slightly, Jethro's breathing soothing her and acting as a reminder that nothing bad was going to happen. Ziva smiled to herself, she would never admit to Tony that she had been anxious at the thought of him going away, and her first night on her own in months and she suspected that this dogsitting had all been a plan by him and Tim but she was secretly glad that they had thought it up. She threaded her fingers through his fur again and closed her eyes, finally calm enough to maybe fall asleep.


	10. There Were Roses

_Thank you so much for your reviews, I've written this plus two more chapters and then I think that will be the end of it, not unless I get struck by a lightning bolt of inspiration within the next few days. It's getting a bit hectic in the real world, I'm moving out and going to university so hopefully I'll get this all uploaded before I trot off. _

**There Were Roses**

A cup of coffee sat on the table in the living room. It had long gone cold, only a sip or two had been taken out of it. Beside the mug was a plate, an untouched sandwich on it. The TV flickered in the dark room, illuminating the crime scene. Broken glass was scattered across the table, a shattered photo frame, the remains of the mirror above the fireplace lay on the rug beside the bookshelf. And amongst all of this was a smear of blood, spatter up the cream walls, dried into the curtains on the window, crusted on the woman that lay between the side table and the coat closet.

She was the third victim of a serial rapist murderer that they knew of, but this was the first that had been found on NCIS time. The call came in at one in the morning and Gibbs wasted no time in calling everyone in.

Gibbs made no comment that Tony and Ziva arrived together, Tim had given them a gloating look and gone back to snapping photos of the disturbance around the room. Cushions strewn across the room, a vase upturned, water dripping onto the floor and petals trodden into the carpet. The living room window was cracked, the curtains partially torn from the railing.

"A third victim?" Tony asked pulling out a pad of paper from his backpack. McGee made to answer but Ziva didn't hear what he said. She could see his mouth move but her ears were full of her pounding heart that drowned out his words. Her eyes were drawn back to the body. It lay in the middle of the room, the blue light from the table sending a faint eerie glow on her pale and naked skin. Her flesh stood out sharp in contrast to the large portions that had been scored and butchered by a sharp instrument. Blood stained the flooring, spreading out to make an outline around her torso but it was also smeared across tiles from where she had rolled away from her attacker, from where she had dragged herself trying to escape. Roses were smooched into the pale carpet, the destroyed pink petals dotted around the room. Once so pretty, so feminine.

"Constance Grant." Gibbs was talking but only some words penetrated Ziva's mind. "32, attacked, raped, killed."

Ziva's throat burned as she imagined what this woman went through. Anger swept through her once again but was replaced an overwhelming sense of fear. She looked at the woman again, her eyes were slightly open and you could see the whites of them. Empty and sad. Cold and gone. Ziva could imagine this girl, beautiful with her long blonde hair and full lips. She could see her laugh and smile. Then she saw her on the floor, her clothes torn, her skin bruised, her lips chapped, her hair pulled. She could see her being pulled and pushed. At first she would fight back. She could tell that, cushions on the floor, feathers leaking out of one, the broken bookshelf and smashed glass. Ziva could see her scrambling, her hands coming up in front of her face, tiny fists lashing out, nails tearing at skin maybe. But then he would overpower her and she would fall, he would be too strong for her, his body pressing into her, his hands taking away her clothes, her strength, her dignity.

"Ziva." Tony's loud voice broke into her mind and she snapped out of her daydream. The three men in the room were all staring at her.

"Yes." Ziva answered, the voice that left her mouth was wobbily and weak. Ziva blinked and cleared her throat but found a lump that wasn't as easy as she expected to move.

"Need some air." Gibbs barked. A statement, not a question. Ziva gave a distracted nod and stumbled past evidence tags, yellow numbers, tripping over her backpack and nearly bumping into Tony on her way to the door. Once outside and on her own she took deep lungfuls of air and closed her eyes, willing the visions of the dead woman's eyes to leave her. She didn't have to imagine the thoughts that would've ran through her head, they had ran through her own once. But at least Constance didn't have to think of that now, relive it every moment, try to get back on track. Taking another deep breath Ziva calmed herself down and wondered if she would've preferred to have died after too.


	11. Without Thinking

**Without Thinking**

He heard her sniffle, it interrupted his sleep but didn't fully pull him out of it. Tony had gotten used to Ziva making sounds during the night as she had nightmares. He had noticed that over time they had reduced but recently, especially after a particularly hard case they would occur more frequently. The bed dipped as she moved, a burst of cool air hit his thighs as the covers were flung off her body. She let out a small distressed moan and he cracked open an eyelid. He could see her shadow on the opposite wall as she moved around the bed and towards the bathroom, all the time making quiet distressed whimpers. He heard the quiet click of a lightswitch and the answering slice of light that followed it. The bathroom door was ajar and yellow light spilled through the crack and onto the carpet. Tony frowned and opened his other eye as he heard a sob come from within.

"Ziva?" He asked, his voice rough and groggy from sleep.

Reaching over across her side of the bed to reach the bedside lamp, he felt the damp of the sheets against his chest and realised instantly what had happened.

"Ziva." Tony called as he stepped out of bed and pushed the bathroom door open lightly. "Ziva, are you alright?"

She let out a low sob and turned away from him, her face was red from embarrassment and her hands were shaking as she clutched her sides, her arms wrapped protectively around herself.

"It's ok." Tony said soothingly and stepped behind her. She turned herself further away from him so he could only see her shaking shoulders. "Ziva. Don't worry about it. Don't be embarrassed."

She shook her head and let out another quiet sob. Tony reached around her and started the taps of the bath. She didn't move as he poured in the bath soap to make the bubbles. Slowly he reached for her and he took the fact that she didn't flinch as a sign to continue, he stripped her of her soaked pyjamas. She didn't say a word as he eased her into the bath and turned off the taps as soon as it was full and the right temperature. She sat still in the suds and didn't look up at him.

Tony walked back into the bedroom and pulled the sheet off the bed, pressing his hand to the mattress to see if any had soaked through. He could hear faint splashing as Ziva moved around in the bath next door. He stripped the rest of the bed and carried it straight to the kitchen and put all the linen in the washing machine with a yawn. He then moved to the cupboard in the hallway, pulling out fresh sheets to remake the bed.

He did it all without thinking. Not once did he want to laugh, or cringe or run out of the door. He didn't want to make a comment or make fun of her. Instead he felt a faint feeling of pity settle in his stomach and mix along with his feelings of care and concern.

When he made it into the bathroom ten minutes later, Ziva looked a little more relaxed. She moved her head up as he walked in with fresh towels for to use but still didn't meet his eye. A faint pink still tinged her cheeks and the ends of her hair were damp.

"Thanks." She whispered so quiet that he was surprised that he had heard it at all. Tony smiled at her softly and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.


	12. Bruises

_This is the final chapter, I think this series of oneshots or story or whatever you want to call it has came to an end. I'm just sorry it took this long, this week has been insane. _

_I of course managed to catch the season opener, I won't spoil it for those who haven't seen it yet but woah it was good!_

_I want to thank each and every person who read this at some point and thank you for sticking with me, but I want to really thank those who took the time to review, it really does mean a lot and I appreciate every single one. Thank you :)_

**Bruises**

They fell into a sort of normal relationship. That was the most shocking thing to Ziva. They had spent so much time dancing around each other and the prospect of them that she never expected for it to be so normal, to be so right.

She would find herself wondering how of earth it happened. Standing in the middle of the grocery store as she picked through a batch of peaches to try and find the non bruised ones, her mind would wander. She wondered how they made it past all of the silly little things in their life, like rule 12 and if Gibbs would really approve. How they had pushed all the drama from themselves like Somalia and Jenny and Jeanne. She laughed now that things like Tony leaving the toilet seat up annoyed her just as much as the fact that there wasn't enough room in her living room for all of his dvds as he gradually moved nearly every single thing he owned to her place, which was marginally bigger and closer to work. It still didn't feel like home though.

She always felt most secure in his apartment, while he made dinner and she uncorked a bottle of wine. Then maybe they would end up tangled together in his bed, the sheets a crumpled mess around them and his arms holding her securely to his side. His smell everywhere around her, his possessions and the familiarity of it all making her feel safe. Still, sometimes when she was at her apartment on her own she would feel herself go rigid and look around for someone who wasn't there or for a sound she had imagined herself. She would feel cold and exposed. Paranoia making her flick on lights in all the rooms to make sure no one was there before she could go to bed. It was getting better now. She wouldn't think of him everyday, or of what had happened. It didn't rule what she did anymore.

She could go to the lab and laugh with Abby as she drank her Caf Pows and hugged her too tight. She could sit in Autopsy with Ducky as he looked over dead bodies. She went running with McGee and Jethro sometimes but mostly she went on her own, as night fell or early in the morning before the sun had risen. She could walk into crime scenes with Gibbs, no matter what the crime and detach herself from the situation and she could let Tony press her into a mattress and kiss her hard without her thinking of the last person who did this to her.

Sure she sometimes had her bad days, times where she panics at noises or thinks she hears Saleem behind her. Nightmares that wake her in the middle of the night, so vivid she could smell the sweat and the sand and the dirt. Times where she doesn't want to talk about it or think about it or acknowledge it even happened.

But these were few and far between.

Ziva smiled to herself and pulled out a set of peaches that weren't bashed. She looked at them for a moment before placing them back and picking up the nearest bruised peach and putting it in her basket. Because sometimes the ruined ones still taste just as sweet.


End file.
